letitgo,
I had the same questions that you pose about God, when I first came to AA.
It's not about rationalising;
is not about accepting paradox, this God thing.
As your username suggests, it's about letting go:
letting go of out old ways of thinking, amongst other things,
letting go of impediments to spiritual growth
I now believe that if we seek a personal relationship with God, as we
understand God, our problem will be solved.
What the rest of the world believes is what the rest of the world believes.
If I may make a suggestion:
read page 45 of the Big Book.
About half way down, it tells you what it's about.
Then read all of the book and work through the steps with a sponsor.
All your questions may not be answered.
But, chances are good that your problem will be solved.
I'm not suggesting that you abandon your rational thought processes . . .
just that you lay them aside enough to enable you to explore a new way of living.
It works.
It really does.
All the best.