Welcome to SR,
krishna!!
NA literature in Dutch <---- Here is some material you may want to look at!
Sounds to me like you ought to do a thorough First Step. Do you go to NA? Have a sponsor? Work Steps? There is also an NA pamphlet called "Self-Acceptance" you may want to read also. Working the Steps helps us learn to accept ourselves. I highly recommend you get involved with NA and work some Steps with a sponsor. Best wishes in your recovery!
Love and hugs,
Eddie
