Katchie.....I want to say that I understand how much this hurts your heart. It just does....regardless of the reasons. I think that we mothers can be so afraid that our kids don't/won't love us....and don't appreciate anything we do for them--just taking us for granted. And....then we look for evidence to the contrary...lol!
I'll bet that if you could look inside their heads.....they feel just as confused and conflicted as you do.....plus, they are still developing and may not even have the verbal skills to express all that they feel. Then, of course, on top of it all is the inevitable struggle with "Independence Vs. Dependency"....that causes growing pains and seperation anxiety between parent and child....even in the most Normal Rockwell families.
Katchie....out of curiosity (mine..lol)....have they ever made any comments about why they would rather be at his house rather than yours? Any clues? Not that you necessarily need to change anything.
I do understand how difficult this period of great change is for you.
I hope that you can refrain from personalizing it too much. I think you sound like a very caring and loving mom....and, one day, I believe that they will realize that...and, that they are lucky to have such a mom!
dandylion