I'm just crying my eyes out right now. Read Dandlt's post about bf who won't even give her a hug and I'm just dying I'm so alone right now. I know it's just the emotional roller coaster of coming down and I'll be a mess for 30 days or so. But sometimes I don't know why I'm here or why I've been given several chances at being saved only to be left alone. I feel like I'm dying. Like there's no purpose in my life, I'm just taking up valuable real estate and never done any good for anybody.
Doing drugs is the ultimate selfish act. It deprives others of any good qualities I may have had and wastes the time that God has given me. It was a perfectly good day today and I didn't get anything accomplished. People in my groups would tell me to 'put the bat down', and I know what they mean. but it's been like this for three years now.
I sometimes really feel like the world would be better off without me, then I hear a story like I did today and realize that suicide hurts others. A friend's wife was having deep depression for about a year. Taking scripts properly for it, no alcohol or illicit drugs to speak of, just clinical depression. She recently was driving to an airport, slammed her car into a bridge abutment, was okay from that accident according to onlookers, then got out of car and walked into path of speeding truck, killing her instantly. She has two young children, husband and friends that are absolutely distraught at this. This was my lesson for today. Stick around and wait for miracle.
Okay, tears have stopped now, guess I'll t ry to get some sleep. Thanks for being here.