Wendy - now's not the time to run away from help - you need to run towards it.
Stay here - post away - post in the September thread as well, and post to newcomers.
Use your natural inclination to care for others to help you learn how to care for yourself again.
The fact that you've drink again just shows the progression of this thing.
You need to fight this - it really is the fight of your life.
What about AA, Smart, LifeRing - anything you can find to use to help, please use it, ok?
You can do this. It's going to be tougher than any other attempt you've made but you've got the courage and strength. Use them
D