Originally Posted by
Refiner 
Yeah... they sound like they're older? How old is the youngest? Dad house is probably the "fun" house now. They were so miserable at the fighting and stress before and you made a change that stopped that and now they want the "fun" house. Not fair to you. The youngest probably wants what the older kids want to follow in their footsteps.
The 21 year old is out of the house away at school. He has started to fill some of my old role with his dad. He doesn't want his dad lonely and I think he believes if he keeps his dad from being lonely he won't drink. I've talked with him about this, but he may have to learn this on his own.
I have 2 seniors in high school and one junior. The junior is the only one I have custody of, but in May he will turn 18 and it won't matter what I say, he will be able to live wherever he wants legally as his older brothers can decide for themselves.
One of the seniors won't even answer a call or text from me. If I'm over at the marital home and he walks in, he doesn't acknowledge I'm there. He blames me for the breakup even though he knows his dad is a drunk, cheated on me with a stripper, and was the one who left me. We've always had a bumpy relationship.
I'm trying to find what my role will be with the boys now that things have changed so drastically. I hate that it came to this. This isn't the way things are suppose to be. It wasn't my dream. More than anything I wanted a different marriage than what my parents had, but no, it isn't possible.
I've been so upset by this last night and today. I'm doing better, but I've been thinking that I need to let them figure things out for themselves too and just be here when they need me. I don't want to force something they don't want, even if their reasons are purely for the sake of getting "things" and doing as they please when they please at their dads home.
At the same time I'm trying to forge a new relationship with my ex, one that allows us to do things on birthdays or holidays together when we are able so that the boys aren't stretched the way I have been over the years. My parents would never meet in the middle. I've spent years traveling to see them separately. Thats really hard to do and I've always resented the fact the two of them wouldn't spend a little time in the same room together for our sake. I don't want to be like that, however it will depend on his soberness. So far I believe he has stayed sober -- so far.
It is all so disappointing.