My kids are 21 and 17. The 21yr old was out on her own when I left stbxah, the 17yr was 16 at the time.
Both of them were very angry with me when I split from their dad. I think they still are even though my son says he isn't and my daughter started talking to me again pretending like the vicious things she said to me never happened.
My son spends much more time at his father's house. It is the house he grew up in so I understand there must be a level of comfort involved. And also his father goes away 20days a month for work....every 17yr olds dream, no parental units! However that house is in a very rural setting and not close to friends or "town". My place gets used as the town flop house when he needs a place to stay so he can go out with his friends that live in town. I definitely feel more used then loved these days. I know he loves me but he spends a lot more time with stbxah( and x's gf) then he does with me... and when he is here.. he is either in his room or out with friends.
I hope one day they will understand why I had to break up our family. For now they have no idea of the depth and breadth of the toxicity that was involved in the break down of their parents marriage. And because I love them so much I have resigned myself to being the "bad guy" for now. For me to be the "good guy" would mean me telling them things they don't need to know... things that would cause great pain, fear and anxiety to them... it would do to them what that knowledge did to me... and I wont do that to them. Maybe one day when they are mature enough to process it... but not any time soon. Some times it really sucks to be the momma.
Hang in there Katchie!