Hi Mariah....
I cant really give advice, but can offer full support.
I can share this. When I had a drink it took me a while to come good. There was a Friday night, about two weeks in where my AV was right up and about.
I was so close to drinking I had one in my hand.
It was a tough night and I just went to bed.
That was the real turning point in version 2.0 for me.
On victory on a Friday night, gave me the belief and incentive to get right back on the wagon, right up the front even.
I know the cycle your talking about and this is going to sound ridiculous but it's as simple as staying of the juice today....
The rest follows.
Forgive yourself for anything that your tripping on...
Don't think too much about being sober forever.
Surf the threads here all day and night if necessary....
most of all.....
stay tuned...........