getright15

So the long weekend comes to an end. No drinking here over the 3 day holiday, but that doesn't mean there weren't some discouraging moments. My wife can't fully trust me to go get gas or something to eat without the thought of me coming back smelling like beer or drunk for that matter. I know it's my fault as to why she feels that way. She told me that she often thinks about what if the rolls were reversed and she was the alcoholic and how I would handle it. I've put her through to much. I can only imagine how she feels.

I hate myself for it all. I hate that I put her in the position I have. I hate the legal issues I've put myself in. I hate how I've even let myself down in moments of weakness. I often say to myself what good am I doing here. I'm trying to better myself and my situation but does it really matter if I do? Sometimes I think no it doesn't. I'm just destined to fail. I don't want to go back in that hole of despair and feel like my life is worth nothing. I want to be able to celebrate life and be happy. I can say I haven't been happy in a long time in a long while. Mainly because of everything that I've done to myself and my family. I really hurt deep down inside. I wish all the BS never happened. I've made my bed and now I have to lay in it and it really sucks.

I hate you alcohol. You have ruined my life! I'm so angry with you!!