Realizations
Am sitting here trying to figure out what my goals are going to be for today. As am thinking a memory of my xabf came to my mind about us being "close". I can't help but think we nvr really had close time an if we did I always had to bring the subject up for it to occur. B4 meeting my xabf I had a high drive,but as our relationship progressed I adjusted my drive to his so there wouldn't be any problems. I can't tell you how many times I felt so unwanted and unattractive because of this. This memory brought me to tears smh. Bc as I look back I now know I was adjusting to him to make the relationship work although it made me extremely unhappy. I told myself I could live without "closness" bc I love him that much. I was lying to myself. I can't allow that to happen anymore. No more lies in the name of love. I hve to be completely honest with myself. My goal for myself today is to love me by getting on my bike and going around the block. I will also go to a Alnon meeting tonight I really need one right now. I hope I didn't offend anyone with this post.