OMG honeypig I can totally remember going through the same exact thing you described after my ex husband and I divorced. I didn't find out until after we broke up that he had a serious cocaine habit. I can recall telling myself I need to rush home so he won't yell at me for being 2 minutes late. I used to call the whole ugly episode lets play Trivial Pursuit. I nvr told him that was way to scared too. I gonna practice the whole do small things bc it will add up at the end of the day.