You sound like you are experiencing quite severe depression.
I think it would be necessary for you to seek some professional help.
Of course, your social circumstances are having a big impact on how you are feeling. I always found myself more impatient with my child when my husband was in the picture. Now that he is not here, I am better with her and have a lot more patience.
There is nothing you can do to force your husband to do what you would like him to do, even though it is the better path. It will continue to be very frustrating and depressing for you to maintain the belief that you can change him.
He is who he is and he is doing what he wants to do. What you can do firstly is accept the reality and then decide what you are going to do - stay and find ways to cope and function better living with an alcoholic or leave.