Hi, I can really relate to what you wrote.
The same lies "that was from a long time ago" I got over and over again.
And the anxiety over what you might find, definitely not a fun way to live. Not to mention, extremely heartbreaking every time he lets you down.
It's a merry go round of crazy!
I left my husband and took my baby daughter, it is really nice not living with that anxiety anymore. Life is simple and peaceful.
It seems like you are in a good headspace heading towards deserved peace and happiness for yourself.