Originally Posted by
TroyW 
Are you one? I know I am.
Even if it's just subconsciously, we'll intentionally harm ourselves / our life in one way or another. I know people here can relate. Why do we do that to ourselves?
Best I can figure is it's a survival mechanism. Things aren't as good as they could be, and we get complacent with them, so have a need to "shock" ourselves out of it. Think of a patient on the table, who gets shocked with a defibrillator to jump start their heart and get it back into proper rhythm. Same concept.
Or I don't know. What's your take?
Thought provoking thread. I would say I sabotage my life...and this can include very destructive acts. I don't really know how to be comfortable with ok/good. I was actually thinking this on the way home from yoga. Life is good. I am sober, I have a great kid, a home, my health (amazingly). What more is there? I mean, really? I only have to move in the right direction to make right direction possible. And I do that....for a while. And then, I have to screw it up. Every. Single. Time.
I came from a very dysfuntional family. Good people, all screwed up. I know my parents did the best they could but they were too busy with their own issues or the issues of my 4 older brothers. So the two youngest, me and my brother, were kind of feral. We just had no nurturing or guidance. Life was chaotic, there were no rules or boundaries, there were drugs and alcohol everywhere and I was introduced to them starting at 9 (having a little girl of my own I now recognize how unreal that is). My mother was just trying to keep a smile on her face, my dad was always drunk or irritable. I was molested as a child by one of my older brothers. I was sexually haraased by a man my parents let live at our house in exchange for coaching tennis for my brother. The brother that molested me when I was 3 or 4 (8 years older) began to pray on my friends when they were 13 and 14. To say it was nuts is an understatement. So chaos is what I know. Crisis? Bring me in cause that's where I'm at my best. Calm? I have no idea how to deal with that....well I'm learning...but slowly.
Sorry I'm the Queen of the long post. But I think I just don't know how to be happy for long periods of time. I crave chaos and drama because its what I know. Now to recognize the signs when I start to sabotage. Anxiety is usually the first...all fear based stuff.