I suffer from self destruction. Been that way for as long as I can remember. In 48yrs old now. It's to a point where I can "feel" when I'm doing it to myself.
In general, I feel I don't deserve a good life. I deserve to be punished.
It's taking therapy to get out of that mode. To learn to address the issues I want to punish myself for. It's hard, because now I want to punish myself for drinking as much as I did, for cheating on my wife and telling her I didn't love her. For losing my wife and kids. For losing my job. For spending all of my 401k. For racking up $40k in debt. I want to punish myself big time.
I'm learning to look at things differently. That I already have been punished. There's no reason to make the future a mess for something I did in the past, especially if I already paid the price.
It's taking work, but I am getting better. Self destruction is the worst kind of punishment. We always tend to be harder on ourselves than anyone else would be.