I just want to say I am once again thankful today that I found this forum.
My soon to be ex husband is coming here at noon to pick up a few things he left behind. I've been awake since 4am, almost sick over the thought of seeing him because those handsome eyes always pull me back in and somehow dissolve all my intelligence and common sense. The thought actually ran through my head that I should ask him one last time if he has any plans for rehab so that we could stop this divorce.
BUT
I went back and read through all my past threads. I once again read not only the good heartfelt advice I was given from those who know
exactly what I am dealing with.. but the things that
I, myself wrote. I saw where I commented that I've come so close to ending it several times before... and even though deep down I knew that was best, it's like I've tried to sabotage my own happiness every time at the last minute by giving him that "one more chance."
As others have said, there's the feeling (and fear) that maybe we're overreacting to the situation. Maybe it's not that bad, maybe we're making too much out of something that's not a big deal. Maybe we should try harder. But then, as I read the things others have written, I realize that other perfectly sane & intelligent & normal people are struggling unhappily with the same situation I am. It's not just me. As I see the things I wrote, I remember in painful detail exactly what was going on at the time I was typing and exactly how bad things were, and how uncomfortable it was to live in my own home and sleep in my own bed... and this was not "just in my head."
It's so easy to romanticize things at the end of a relationship and remember the loving times.. to look back through wedding pictures & smiling facebook pictures. Gosh, we looked happy and adorable together for a couple of 40 year olds. But here.. on this forum, is where the reality & ugly truth have been privately revealed. And for that, I am thankful.
I just put his remaining belongings out in the carport and pulled the blinds. I wont be giving him any more chances to pull me in. And everytime I start to doubt my decision... I'll be back here reading.
