Hi Adelina
I relate to what you are saying. I'm sure many will. That is the obsession with alcohol, trying to pull you back. Its like a bad relationship. I know its going no where and will only get worse, but I can't stop fantasizing the 'idea' of what I think the relationship should be like, so I want to keep going back and trying again. Only to find out that yes, the relationshp is killing me, I have to stop. My relationship with alcohol grew worse and worse, the consequences from returning more dire. I have been quitting for 12 years. But I guess you're done when you're done. There is nothing 'normal' about obsessing over whether or not to drink. Its alcoholism. And it will get worse.