Thank you everyone for your responses.
emilynghiem, I like your idea about getting mad at something. I have never thought of that but it might work. I will try it for sure. I will also try your idea about doing boring stuff around the house, I have enough of that to keep me busy for weeks
and see what happens. To be honest, all of the things that I need to do might be contributing to my depression somewhat as there is just so much that needs to be done and not enough time to do it all. I look around and see everything that needs to be done and there is just so much that I am overwhelmed and don't do any of it. So this might help in more ways than one. Thanks for your suggestions and support.
Lorax, thank you. I will keep fighting and keep trying. I am really not sure I am stronger than the drink though but I will keep trying none the less. Thanks again.
soberwolf, thank you for all of your support & encouragement
Retread, I am sorry to hear you suffer from depression as well. Thank you for the link. I didn't actually know they were linked, but I suspected because after my recent stretch of sobriety, I can tell more than ever before that when I drink, my depression becomes so much worse. I am trying to use that as more incentive to quit because the bad feelings I get when I drink have never been this bad before. Thanks for your support and I am here for you as well.
DrakeCKC, that is what I am finding. I just want the depression/pain/anxiety to go away and I am finding the "escape" I get from drinking is getting shorter and shorter and the depression is just getting worse & worse. I have to stop. It is just so hard. Thanks for your response & support.