Originally Posted by
FireSprite 
With an active alcoholic? No.
With a recovering alcoholic WORKING a recovery? Yes, I consider myself a success in progress.
DD11 has most certainly been affected (unavoidable) but she's not destroyed by any means.
That doesn't mean it can't change tomorrow. If either of us fall down on our recoveries, it'll hurt everyone. Part of *my* success is in trusting myself enough to know that I am always going to be ok no matter what surprises come my way, & that I'm teaching DD the same.
I am also an ACoA, my father was an alcoholic & drug addict. My mother's codependency is still suffocating & has often been more difficult to manage than dad's addictions. DD is my mini-me; she looks, walks, talks & thinks just like me - but in the ways that matter, she's the opposite of who I was at her age - confident, secure, open, authentic. The difference is due to being raised with BOTH parents in recovery & providing her with education & tools to manage the things that affect her, far earlier in life.
JMHO & I absolutely realize I'm in the minority on this.
The bit about your DD is amazing to hear and so encouraging! Openness and providing kids with the tools they need to manage are almost as crucial as love I think.
Part of the reason I'm not too enthralled at the prospect of just getting up and leaving (which is very tempting I have to say) is that I am no angel. I have my own issues stemming from my own family which, although they are not as in-your-face as the alcoholism, are certainly as damaging. There is no guarantee that leaving my husband would ensure a happy stable childhood for my kids. From what I've seen so far (we're only 3 years into parenting) he provides them with what I lack and vice versa. I imagine that, if I left, the stress of trying to bring them up alone would bring out the worst in me and I would have defeated the object of leaving.
Does that make sense??