Cricket, it seems so exhausting for your to be doing all this detective work, and it seems like he gets a kick out of keeping you in the dark. Is there a way for you to bow out of this game? Can you trust that more will be revealed and you will learn in time all the information you need to know? It sounds like you have yourself taken care of. You've got the house. What he and your children do is up to them. They are grown and will have to make their own choices. So maybe just focus your energy on finding other things to enrich your life besides playing their games? What do you enjoy? Hobbies? Volunteering? The more independent of them you can become, the better!