Welcome to all of the new joiners. To those that have relapsed, I am sorry. Only being on day 5, I don't know what advice I can give. What I do know is this transformation that we are all working towards is hard enough without beating yourself up and self-loathing. You have to try and forgive yourself and start putting enough value on yourself to know that there is a better life out there for you.
For a long time, life has been throwing things at me to try and make me change. From my early 20s, I have been arrested and charged for drink driving, I have lost friends, hurt family, I have got in the car when I shouldn't have done, thankfully I have never hurt anyone through doing that. All of these things were life/the universe/God/my angels, whatever you believe in, trying to show me the error of my ways, to give up drinking and improve my life. It has taken me losing a man that I truly love for me to finally decide to leave that life behind. A life where I give control to others through my actions, where I put obstacles in my own way.
I would give anything to have listened earlier and sorted myself out prior to losing my ex, but I can't take any of it back. I have to face the future with courage and conviction that, yes, I have done an awful lot that was wrong, but I have finally taken my head out of the sand and realised what I need to do.
Take care and have courage in the days going forward, as others have said, you are giving yourselves the greatest gift, it will be hard to see that in the early days, but as everyone on SR has said to me, things will get better, we have to believe that.
K8