Originally Posted by
JustAnotherDay 
Living with an alcoholic is the most exhausting thing I've ever done. It's so mentally and emotionally taxing. Physically in the sense I pull all the weight from yard work to dishes. But I'm scared that I'll never be able to love or trust anyone again. I've never met someone that has no regard for someone's feelings and shows complete disrespect to a woman.
I'm from the south! Not the way I was raised. My grandmother would be appalled if she knew how I was treated every minute of every day.
I want it to make me grow as a person, I've learned a lot here and in al-anon but I'm terrified of never being a "normal" person. Never being able to have a "normal" relationship because I'm going to be analyzing every move that other person makes. Does he have a drug/alcohol problem he doesn't elude to? Is he lying? Cheating? Am I not good enough for someone else? He must be crazy to want to be with me right!?
Ugh. Discouraged. I'm not saying I'm looking to replace anyone right now but I'm scared for the future. I want a family. A "normal" family one day.
I'd say when you have the right relationship with the right person, it will all work out.
When you are in the wrong relationship with the wrong person, nothing can make that work.
You are still the same person, with the same strengths and weaknesses. This is not a judgment on you personally, but a matter if you and the other person find where you intersect and connect and stick with that.
If you have nothing in common with an alcoholic abuser, that is not going to work no matter if you are Saint Teresa or who you are!
I would stick to where you feel comfortable and unconditional.
If you already have conditions attached, that is not natural for you and you are going to be miserable, whether or not these conditions are met. That is too much work!
Stick to what is natural and work from there. Respect where your boundaries and limits are, which are necessary to make the relationship work, even if the answer is no and separation. Forcing things where they don't fit together is not going to work.
Please be kind to yourself, forgive what doesn't work, and accept what is and what is not right for you and stick with that.
Your relationships will be more successful when you can feel safe and honest about your needs, too. If they don't match up, they don't match and there is nothing to feel ashamed or bad about.
What's that AA motto from Shakespeare: To thine own self be true? So then you can't be false to anyone else? Be good to yourself equally, your needs and limits are half the equation and need to be counted.