Originally Posted by
atalose 
Gottcha!!! I’ve always found the no contact was a blessing because it initially helped me to step away from the chaos catch my breath and see things I was unable to see while in the mist of it all.
I was able to clearly see that he was using long before I caught on to it and he confessed.
Which then allowed me to clearly see all of his lies and manipulations that had been going on for months and months.
We all must travel down this road ourselves, experience the hurt and disappointment that comes with a relationship with an A. Me and others could tell you no contact is the best and healthiest thing you could do for you. Move forward and away from this because usually there are never any happy endings with an A. BUT we all must come to that conclusion on our own at our own pace.
There certainly are distinct similarities with A’s but it takes us the loved ones to truly see them because we always thing our situation is unique and not like others. But eventually we do see the things we desperately didn’t’ want to see while trying anything and everything to hold onto someone we felt a strong love to.
Keep reading the stickies, try and stay no contact and maybe find a support group in your area like al-anon or nar-anon and if you really find yourself completely obsessed with him and the relationship than explore codependency and maybe reach out for some counseling.
Hi Atalose,
Thanks for writing back. That's exactly how I feel, this NC is allowing me to step back and take a breather. It's really refreshing actually to not have the constant angst of worry shadowing me all day at work..scared to what I may come home to. At the same time, I am missing the companionship (and habit really) of having him at home, waiting for me, watching TV, laughing together, etc.
I attend alanon meetings weekly. In fact, I led my meeting last night.
It was pretty nerve wrecking, and I jumbled so many words (and cried)
but, it was very therapeutic. I'm meeting with my sponsor tomorrow to go over my step work too.
In hindsight, I believe I knew he was using. It was my own denial that really prevented me from opening my eyes entirely to it.
I'm staying strong, but I'd be lying if I said that it was easy. I know that this is what I need to do, I'm doing my absolute best, but sometimes even that doesn't feel like it's nearly enough. I miss him. (And I'm using this space to vent, not to say that I will break my NC and contact him...) Reading so many of these threads actually makes me really sad. Sometimes I find strength from it, and other times I feel like it triggers my fears.