goffredo

Hello everyone

I'm new to soberrecovery and new to the whole thing all together! I have never used drugs or been with people addicted to drugs. Last year I met my partner and soon found out she was using cocaine. It was the usual: I'm having a bit of fun, it's a laugh, I only do it with my friends. You are judgemental, boring and want to cotrol me. This is what she used to say to me.

Soon we started to face the usual problems that coke brings: mood swings, irritability, paranoia and depression. I realised my partner (I'm a girl as well!!!) was doing it regularly and every excuse was a reason to do it: friends' houses, pubs, our own home. She started to lie to me saying she wasn't doing it when it was obvious she was. She has been doing it for 10 years!

After various weekends of hell, of arguments, of lies, of emotional abuse for me, I finally decided that maybe it was time for me to go. I didn't want to give her an ultimatum, they never work, but I had to tell her that if she had no intention to stop, I would have had to go as it was destroying me and our relationship, our love. She said she wanted to stop and be with me. She admitted of being addicted and her friends, who I consider drug buddies rather than real friends, not helping her at all. Since she told them she's not doing anymore, she has received all sorts of stupid comments, like: oh god, where's the fun now? don't you get bored? Your girlfriend is making all the choices for you, blah blah blah... As well as telling her of parties where the coke will be widely available and offering it to her!

Anyway, she's not been using it, or cannabis nor she's seeing her "friends-dealers" for about 5 weeks now. Things are so much better: no mood swings, no storming out of the flat, no sleepless nights and then sleeping all day, no madness! I am doing my best not to nag her or judge her friends, we're going out and having fun and appreciate that for her it's all a first now: gigs with no cke, pub with no coke, dinners with no coke, holidays with no coke. she's bright, sharp, steady, healthy!

I need help: she is still tense and sometimes she has ourburst of anger, blaming me for changing her and dictating her life. I often end up crying and get angry telling her of her selfish, addicted mean friends and that I'm the only one who helps her in the recovery and she's ungrateful to me. I sometimes aks her for reassurance that she won't do it again when she's the last person I should ask!

I'm constantly worried, nervous, I feel lonely and isolated. I'm scared she might relapse anytime. I want to help her in the recovery with the best possible behaviour, I'm there for her but I don't always know what to do. Can anybody help please?

I'm scared because I know that 5 weeks in recovery is not much compared to 10 years of using, especially when she told me that she has stopped before and then relapsed as she felt isolated and went back to her "friends" and soon started again! I know she feels isolated now.

Please help me. What's the best i can do? I love her and do anything for her.

Love from London

Goffredo