Leshar, what does your doc say? That this melancholy will continue and not do any activities?
Being inside and isolated will perhaps kind of perpetuate those thoughts. I wish it was possible at least for you to do some socialising, or soemthing to brighten your day, even just a little, so those good feelings could grow. You seemed to be ok when Rod was around, does it not feel like it's worth the effort if it's just you?
I've had depression where it made me feel detached from the world, like I'd never feel an ounce of happy again. I'm not sure if it's anything close to how you feel, but I do know it made me feel helpless, a waste of space and that I had no capacity to feel happy again, so what was the point?
When you were practising Psychiatry, did you see many cases like yours? I hope there were people you were able to help, so that still gives you hope that you can get through this too?
Thinking of you today.