Hey, hey, hey... I'm back. Needless to say I've been drinking for the last month. Not every day, and not every day is a binge, but some days have definitely been too much.
Anyhow, I've been doing a little soul searching the last couple weeks. Why can't I quit? I mean, I would LOVE to be normal, but I'm not. So that aside, why can't I do something that would make me like me more? I think my avatar is more fitting than I realized. It's like there's this, not devil, but petulant child that is so focused on what I CAN'T have (alcohol) that I'm not focusing on the positives my life could have by not drinking. Like better health, maybe give my antidepressants an actual shot of working (more motivation then?!), not feeling like hell some mornings, not missing work because of feeling like hell or just self-loathing so much that I can't imagine facing other people. That last one is today, by the way. I'm home "sick" again because I had four ciders last night and I'm so disappointed in myself and the state of my life presently that I just can't be bothered to care or face people. I'm basically hiding from life in my house.
So anyhow, hello again. I'm gonna take my sober date out of my sig, I think. It seems to be creating a lot of pressure for me to keep it and leaves my focus on X days from not having something I want vs. focusing on what a lovely day I could have because of not having alcohol.