Got my two month chip last night. I’ve been working hard on steps 1 and 2, and while going through a worksheet I found online, I came across these questions:
"Are you admitting or accepting? What is the difference between these two things? How are you accepting through your behavior?"
It really blew my mind, I came to see that while I’ve been admitting ever since I set foot in AA, to what degree have I really been accepting..? I’ve worked hard to keep doing the things in my life that I enjoy, this time sober. I’m back in my film club, I volunteered to work at my favourite local festival, I’ve been to birthdays and parties without drinking. And I’m ok with that (have to say I find it a lot easier to be an open alcoholic than someone trying to cut down - nobody offers me drinks anymore).
So how am I accepting through my behaviour? Well, there’s AA, sponsor and stepwork obviously. I’ve started walking more, spending time thinking and trying to broaden my horizons. I’ve done some work around my apartment. Trying to change my routines a little, driving more, getting up from the couch and out of my head. Getting my finances in some sort of order has been a big one. I engage more with family and friends. I breathe more and try to stay in the moment wherever I am. If thinking ahead makes me uncomfortable, I bring myself back to the now. I’ve seen some fundamental changes in myself, and I find that I’m a lot calmer and (I guess) more serene.
My immediate thought on the questions above was that admitting was more or less a resignation. I read somewhere (maybe here) that you admit you’re an alcoholic only when you quit drinking. I think that was my point of admission/surrender. 5 months later (having relapsed briefly this summer) I think I’m finally accepting and doing the work that comes with it.
I would love to hear other opinions on this.