Thanks so much, guys, it means a lot to know you're walking beside me! Emily, that's a great idea, if for some reason this job doesn't work out after all I will suggest to her looking into prison outreach.
And gleefan, glad my story is helpful. I think there are a lot of common elements of CoD behavior, whether it's with a sibling, a spouse, or some other friend/family member. My tendency is to want to control and fix. But I never was that powerful. Her current turnaround was certainly not because of me. I had detached from her by the time that she decided to detox and we were barely in touch. It has taken a long time for me to trust that she is doing better, and I still have my doubts. In any case, my efforts to help her were never very helpful. She is the youngest sibling, and has always felt a step behind and not as capable, and having her "together" sister trying to fix things only reinforced this. I try to remember when she goes through things like this that what she needs most is the dignity of being allowed to solve her own problems. But I don't think that's unique to siblings--in general, I think our efforts to fix can imply a kind of condescending belief that the person isn't capable of helping themselves, and a lot of addicts become very resentful over this dynamic!