Dear Climbing
My heart goes out to you. I lost a 14 year relationship.
I'm sad/happy to observe that those of us affected by the disease of alcoholism have an awful lot in common.
My mate and I have been separated 1-1/2 years. For me, this has been very difficult. I am still working through the losses. In spite of this, I cannot go back under the circumstances.
Others on this site sometimes recover faster than I have, but some of the stories they relate about abuse from their mates are pretty horrendous. My mate has always been basically nice. I was drinking too, very heavily. When I quit, I never took another drink. I am afraid our relationship had a bigger stake on the drink than I realized.
Keep coming back. You will find a lot of support here!