And like the AA book says, yes, I have a giant, inflatable ego. I want to be more than you. I want to be special. I want to rise above you. I want to put you down because I think I am better than who you are. I am better for not asking for help. That I can rise above it.
But you know what? It isn't true and maybe now, finally, I realize it. The only way I become anyone, is by asking for your help and your support in the first place. By humbling myself enough to do it at all. Instead of being the arrogant idiot that I have been. And it is why I still drink. Because I haven't realized or accepted that it isn't you .... it's me.