Oh I wasn't actually thinking about drinking, just got that feeling. I know I'm not one of those casual drinkers, and most likely never will be. I calm myself down pretty quick by thinking the same sorts of thoughts you do, Melina. I play the tape backwards and forward and backward and realize it just wouldn't be worth it.
I was the same, Ruby - at a dinner party or in any situation where sharing a bottle of wine, I'd get nervous I wouldn't get "enough." How sad and desperate. I'd make sure to get a couple drinks under my belt before social occasions. I didn't go as far as carrying a flask, but thought about it sometimes.
I'm learning I can have as much or more fun in social situations without drinking. It's just that when I see people doing things like visiting wineries or going to wine bars, both things I loved to do, that those things are off the table now. Because what's the point of going to a winery now?? Or this last weekend when my guy friend and I found a really cool tavern that had about two dozen really interesting craft tap beers. I used to like getting flights of beers and tasting a bunch of different ones. Of course that civilized activity would quickly turn into having several full-sized glasses of beer. Not civilized any more. I wasn't tempted, just momentarily sad. My guy friend is a great person to have around at those times. He says he'd never forgive himself if I relapsed on his watch, so he distracts me and tells me how proud he is of me. Plus he's funny and entertaining enough that I have fun anyway.