I feel very similarly to you and mine are blood relatives. Neither one of them is seemingly grateful. I do have a problem with this. I have been waiting YEARS to express my feelings, because they are perpetually in early recovery and aren't in a place to hear me - it is never a reciprocal relationship - just always all about them. In fact, in rehab the family program teaches this and focuses ONLY on the addict/alcoholic. I was told to mortgage my house as many times as necessary to finance their rehab.
I am full of resentment right now, so for that reason, detachment is the healthiest thing - I am also writing them very brief letters - expressing a fraction of my feelings in a very PC way (not really how I feel, which would be too much for them to handle and would backfire in any case, because it's all about them 24/7).
I hope you get some helpful responses. I can just commiserate, which is not that helpful
