My story is much like everyone else's...he had prior addiction issues when I met him 6 years ago, but had kicked them. We were each single parents, he to 4 children, me to 2. It was an amazing connection and unlike any I had ever experienced. We moved in together within 6 months (I know now - way too fast) and married within the year (I know now - way, way too fast!). I found out about him using within days of our marriage, but by then it was very difficult to simply leave. We are both lawyers and we had merged our practices along with our lives. Long story short, it has been 5 years of hell. Short periods of him being clean, promises broken, serious illnesses, him losing his law license, going bankrupt and eventually me leaving him back in March of this year. However, we intended to work on ourselves and our marriage and reunite next spring. I realized he was using again by April and knew that I wasn't ready to walk, but that I needed to start detaching. So I did slowly, praying every day for the strength to finally cut him off. And my moment came last Wednesday. I told him I would email him once I had my thoughts together, which I did today. He is beyond mad (and has sent me emails despite the no contact demand). But because I waited and gave myself the time to do it, I am so strong and so resolute that nothing will change my mind. If he chooses to get help, yipeee! If he doesn't, I won't have wasted another day feeling bad, being blamed and wondering if things will ever change. They have. I have. And I'm damn proud of myself for doing it. Now I just need to keep reading all the wonderful stories and struggles you all have shared here to remind myself that I CAN do this. It won't be easy, but I'm worth it.
Hope and strength to all,
HB