Hi all, well I made it through the day at the races unscathed if a little bit poorer! Oh well I stayed sober despite being surrounded by drinking- it didn't bother me to be honest I was more into the betting which I went slightly overboard with but it was a one off and I enjoyed the day, it stayed dry AND the sun even came out for short periods!!!
My Bro-In-Law won a lot so I think I wanted a piece of the action and went slightly over budget! On a serious note I do realise that being a recovering alcoholic I am weary of getting addicted to other things so I won't make a habit of gambling.
Went to a meeting last night, again this morning and hitting one tonight with a friend so am staying alert to it all. Got asked to do a reading in the morning one and I was nervous, especially as there were a large number of people there, but I grabbed the nettle and after a shaky start I got through it and even enjoyed it by the end!
Have through sobriety got used to public speaking in AA through shares and readings and am now ok at it. I NEVER thought I'd be capable of this as its been a phobia of mine since schooldays, when I was a 14/15 yr old boy and my voice was breaking, spots were appearing and my hormones raging I remember getting asked to stand up and read in an English lesson, my heart was pounding, sweat was pouring off me and my heart felt like it was going to come through my chest, my breathing was so fast and my voice so shaky it sounded as if I were going to burst into tears and my classmates started laughing- which made it worse, I stopped and sat down but the teacher forced me to continue, it was the most debilitating moment of my life- that wkend I tried drinking with friends and the confidence I thought it gave me was what I thought was the answer to my prayers- and a thought came to me- if it gives me this confidence at the weekend what's stopping me 'using' alcohol to overcome my nerves in reading out in English lessons ? ....
So sadly from that moment on I drank a can of beer before every lesson that might entail reading out aloud, the saddest part is it worked and so started my dependency on alcohol, for dates with girls, for meeting new people, for being funny, for sitting exams, for fighting bullies, and for escaping my FEAR. For the rest of my life I've avoided situations that caused me fear or that same feeling I felt in that English lesson 20yrs ago by drinking alcohol, it breaks my heart that only now,at 34yrs of age , am I learning to face my fears.............
Scooterboo- interesting topic, I do still get occasional headaches which I'd always presume were hangovers when I drank (most probably were!).
Love and best wishes to everyone.