Dearest Hope--To be honest, when I first read your post I was thinking, "How could someone let a GUY rule their life in such a way." I was picturing all kinds of unkind messages I could leave for you. Then I realized why I was thinking those things. I am not angry with you. I am angry with myself for feeling the same way. I am sure our situations were different, but I allowed myself to be terribly hurt by a man quite a while ago now. Going on five years ago. My drinking and drugging were bad before that situation, but they became 10 times worse after he left me. Because of that, I never really allowed myself to grieve the loss. Now that I am sober, I am having to deal with the hurt.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I know where you are coming from. I understand the pain all too well. I know you probably know this, but not only will drinkiing and drugging hurt you in the more obvious ways, it will also keep you from processing the pain of the seperation and working through it. It will only make the pain last longer.
You are a strong and wonderful woman, Hope. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get to a meeting. Keep posting here, as well. Tallk about the pain, and what you are feeling. We are all here for you.
Send me a PM if you would like. I probably need to talk about my pain some more too!
Love and hugs--