hope, listen to what people here are saying, take to heart; we are all praying for you and we totally support you; i had an experience last night that has already made a huge difference for me; i went to a meeting - i asked my cousin who has 13 years in soberity to go with me; it turned out to be the toughest AA meeting i have been to - also the best; i finally broke through a part of my toughness and got what i really needed; don't give up on yourself, we sure won't; prayers, love and hugs coming your way