I think you need to give yourself time to get over the pain of loss DD - and you need to realise that it's not the end of your life as you know it...
its fear thats telling you you'll never find another love like that again - it's nonsense - but your addiction is really making a meal of that.
If your drinking bought you to your knees and lost you all you held dear...if it failed to salve your pain up to now, why would you consider going back to it again?
Thats AV talking, not the real rational you - but stay with it...you'll get better at teasing out which is which
back the way you came has nothing for you...you've already been that way - try a new way - give it (and you) a little time to sprout and grow.
You could see things very differently in just 3 months time DD
D