Sweetheart... I'm so sorry. No one is going to give up on you here. Think of this as a lesson learned, a new beginning. Yes, what you did is going to hurt... hurt your self esteem, cause you to feel guilt, you know how it is. However, this does not have to be a reason to hurt yourself more by dwelling on it - "Fall seven times, stand up eight."
Losing a love is terribly hard. My heart goes out to you. You know that drinking or using isn't going to help - please get rid of the coke. Flush it, trash it in some unredeemable way. You know these things. You can do this. And again - I know *I'm* not giving up on you... and I'm certain that neither is anyone else.
Please take care of yourself, ok? Do the right thing.
love,
anne