Thanks DD Upward and TS, I am feeling better today. Worries about the weekend but I know drinking will just make everything worse.
As far as that relationship goes, I think I just have to accept and be prepared for moments or days of falling into my old thoughts And feelings regarding him. I'm really do know that he is toxic for me. Love shouldn't make you feel desperate, jealous and insecure. After years of taking the blame and holding on so tight, it's only natural to have those old thoughts creep in every now and again,.
Just trying to stay the course.