Originally Posted by Beccybean

My partner still drinks heavily at weekends.

While he is drunk I don't enjoy being with him. When we go out together, I will usually go home alone so I don't have to listen to his drunken ramblings on repeat, or end up babysitting him, or apologising for him.

We'd been together 23 years before I got sober and started recovery, so I am not going to expect him to change just because I have. That still doesn't mean that it's good for our relationship when he drinks.

It's not a problem because I'm tempted. It's a problem because it puts us in different places where we can't communicate like we can when we're either both sober, (or when we were both drunk- not that that always ended well tbh!!)

Certainly, if I was single now, I wouldn't be getting into a relationship with anyone who was daily or heavy drinker. But maybe that's just me. I certainly don't think that it's a reflection on my recovery. It's just common sense. When I did my step 4 inventories, one of them was about relationships. I'm willing to put my all into my side of that, and if I was starting again on new relationship I'd want it to be with someone who shared my ideals and values, and who was mentally and emotionally in the same place at me in the evenings and weekends.