Wow, your message is so powerful in that you seem to be very clear with yourself that this is a huge problem, it is completely out of hand and your life in unmanageable.
Is in patient rehab an adoption for you? from what you write you have a hard time anytime you get your hands on a little bit of cash. Maybe separating yourself from the possibility of getting alcohol will give you a good start down this path.
Recovery is totally possible, read around here and see the stories of success. And don't feel terrible for not getting it right the first time. There are many of us here, myself included, who are taking a lot of time to get this right. Time is of the essence of course, we all hope that this time is the time that will stick, but if it doesn't the most important thing is to not give up and keep trying.
I want you to know that you are not a bad person because of your alcohol addiction. You may have done bad things, but you are more than your addiction. This is not your fault that you are like this, you have a disease. What will be your fault is if you don't work on getting yourself out of this cycle of addiction.
You can do this. It won't be easy but it is entirely possible.