Onceuponatime....have you heard "Don't Jade"? It is a staple concept in recovery circles. It refers to h ow to draw a boundary (for you) around the stupid and insane things that comes out of the mouths of addicts.
You are under NO obligation to J--justify A--argue back D--defend E--explain.
Don't JADE removes you from the "eye" of the conflict at hand.
How you respond is under your control (ultimately). A person can't fight with yo if you remove yourself from the game.
When he is talking smack...picture him with a big "Q" on his forehead (for quacking). Or picture him as a small little duck quacking his head off..lol.
Or picture him with a big "C" on his forehead for crazy.
Respond to him with neutral or deflecting remarks. Like you would a small child that was stomping their feet.
Tighten your boundaries....if he follows you...leave the house. Go for a walk or to the library or go buy a cup of coffee. Put physical distance if emotional distance doesn't co o l him down.
A word of warning , though. If he is inclined to become abusive or physical in any way...you have got a more serious situation that just detaching won't contain.
Don't ever put yourself in danger if he is aggressive or abusive.
That is a judgement call that you have to make---because safety is always the first order, of course.
You spoke of your fear (to leave his zipcode).....that is what I meant about being held as an emotional hostage.
I hope you are getting some help to strengthen your self and to address what is holding you back.
Detachment is a good tool to buy you some emotional space and some time....so that you can sort your own self out and take your life back.....
But, detachment won't do the whole job......
dandylion