ABF back in jail - and I feel guilty!
After yet another nasty argument. Name calling etc. I ended it with my ABF (again ugh) yesterday. It has been on and off for close to 3 years. It lasted one month this time. So after the fight, he goes out and gets a bottle of vodka. Passes out somewhere in the streets and gets picked up by police. Turns out he had a warrant for him from over a year ago from PA. At the time, he borrowed a co-workers car to look for another job, but instead got drunk, and took it to MD to see me. (I didn’t know about how he got car, but he was drunk when he showed up on my doorstep). He passed out here in MD and the guy reported car stolen. After I found out who’s car it was, I called the co-worker at the time to tell him his car was here and didn't know where driver was. The owner of car had to come down here to get his car back. So ABF now back in jail. He just got out one month ago. Of course last night it's the usual, “you drove me to drink, I drank vodka before, but now I’m worse because you put too much pressure on me” and Don't abandon me, I need you as a friend, post bail for me if it's "small", BTW – been there done that and of course he skipped. He says - I wouldn’t leave you in jail if you were here (never mind due to his financial situation due to his alcoholism, he couldn’t help me if he wanted to). I don’t belong here, I have a drinking problem, I’m not a bad person. Etc. Earlier that day, before he got locked up, I was called all kinds of names. Now that he sobered up and is back in jail - it's the old sweet talker again. Every time he gets locked up I feel bad because he has nobody else there for him. I feel I can’t go on because he’s in there and I’m out here free. Very crazy thinking on my part. And he knows how to manipulate me. I tell myself I'm not going to accept his calls, but feel compelled to answer or I feel bad. I want to finally be free of this relationship once and for all. But I always allow myself to get sucked right back in my the lines and promises. Now that he's back in jail, I feel that once again, I should stay with him. I don’t want to be with him. How to I get rid of the guilt? How can I move on?