LexieCat, you are so right. The violence is there all the time, the alcohol just "gives him permission" to let it out. For awhile I lived in the "it's only when he is drinking" mind set. Since he was arrested this time around I have started making mental note of all of the things he did while he was sober that were not ok.
I use to get so disappointed in him when he drank. All of the broken promises, the false hope, and down right lies he told about his drinking. I know he was drinking "at me", but sometimes it felt that way. There were times when he was though...that he would get more alcohol just to make me upset (which is part of the abuse, I am sure).