One thing that I did find after he left was a threat assessment tool that many therapists use. I took the assessment and, with the number of questions I answered, I fell in to the category where 94% of victims were met with near lethal or lethal violence. That scared the crud out of me.
I'm still trying to wrap my brain around everything that happened. I don't understand the need to drink. I do know that I couldn't "love him sober" and at the end of everything I didn't do anything to cause it (I'm still kind of working on convincing myself that I didn't aggravate the situation...but I'm getting there).