I posted about half a dozen times back in April when I confronted my wife about what I thought was excess drinking and she shut me out. After a brief time when she was away at her mother's we reached an agreement wherein she would limit herself to three drinks a week, due to her use of antidepressants, and never drink alone (I would do the same, which I was doing already anyway).
Should have seen this coming, because she either never kept that agreement or didn't keep it for long. In retrospect, she probably saw that compromise as a victory.
She recently completed her Master's degree, and so in a celebratory mood, we went out to the local bar and had a drink each. Then we came home, where there was a 750 mL bottle of vodka that I expected would last a month or more. We watched some TV, chatted, had two more drinks apiece, and she put the vodka away. I got tired soon and went to bed around 1 AM. My wife said she'd come in soon after. She finally came to bed, maybe around 3 or 4. I got up the next morning and opened the freezer to get a burrito—and the vodka bottle (previously about 3/4 full—remember, only 3 or 4 shots had been taken out of a bottle that holds about 17 total) was between two-thirds to three-quarters empty.
I was so pissed I couldn't see straight but as we had company coming over I kept my mouth shut so as not to cause a scene. I did tell her mother, however.
About a week ago, my wife stayed up late again (she been typically doing this every other night—one night a normal bedtime like 11, the next she's up until 3, 4, even 5 AM). I came out of the bedroom and found her asleep on the couch with her computer still in her lap. There was no sign of a bottle or a glass, though. However, the next morning (about two hours later, really), I noticed a glass on the counter that I didn't remember being there before. On a hunch, I checked the vodka bottle in the freezer—and found it completely empty. Pretty clear evidence, to me, that she was hiding her drinking.
Two days after that, she stayed up until about 3, then came into the bedroom smelling of toothpaste, not alcohol (not unusual since she brushes her teeth before bed). The next morning, I checked the (empty) vodka bottle (I still hadn't said anything), and found it... partially refilled? There seemed to be another source. Keep in mind my wife currently isn't working, so any money she has comes from me so she can do groceries during the day. This was last Tuesday.
Finally by Thursday I couldn't keep quiet anymore. I told her I was worried she was drinking again and hiding it from me. I offered to hear her explanation of the missing vodka and she said I was blaming her and she didn't know why it was gone. She locked herself in the spare room.
Sorry for the novel, but there's more. Our trash pickup goes out to the curb Monday nights, so if the trash gets full and won't be picked up for a few days, we tie up the bag and put it in the garage until the night before pickup. I took the trash out maybe a day or so after the vodka in the freezer magically replenished itself and I thought I heard glass clinking inside, which is weird because we put glass in the recycling and my wife is usually the one to bug me about that. Friday, after the blow-up, I dug around in the trash bag (the trash is also where we throw the cat-pee-soaked litter from the litter boxes, so I'll leave it to the imagination how pleasant a task
that was) and found not one, but two empty vodka bottles.
I brought that up yesterday, after she was willing to talk to me again. Ho boy.
She claimed they were emptied over the previous six months (which I don't think is correct, because they're all the same brand, and over the past six months we've bought—and finished—different brands of vodka and other things). She makes it sound like they were just sitting around empty and she finally threw them away, in the trash, because she though I would freak out about two six-month-old bottles in the recycling. If they truly were six months old, I wouldn't have. But if they truly were six months old, we also wouldn't have kept them around empty. She said I freak out about her drinking now, that I'm not keen on drinking anymore (said in a tone that suggests this is some kind of tragedy), that I'm treating her like a child, that she doesn't feel like she's in marriage, she's in a prison. She did admit to hiding drinking, in a kind of weird way, that she hides it because she think I'll freak out about it, and "every so often" she feels like having a drink. Well, every so often I feel like having a drink, too, and then I do it out in the open in front of everyone and when I'm done, I'm done.
I'm holier than thou, her sneaking drinks is my fault, I'm holding her to my standards (what other standards am I supposed to hold anything to, exactly?), she wishes I'd left her in the UK (where we took our honeymoon) and she hates being here.
She says I'm not affectionate enough. I know I'm not by nature the most romantic person, but it's hard to be affectionate to someone who, when we drink together, often ends up crying, or when she (apparently) drinks alone stays up until the wee hours of the morning and then comes in to the bedroom and demands sex (let me tell you how fast that gets old
) We're supposed to go visit my mom and her family next week (my mom and stepfather know what's going on). My wife's snarkily promised to "be on her best behavior." Really looking forward to a transcontinental plane trip with this lady right now.
She's still denying there's a problem and I can't get through to her. She might already have liver damage but we don't know because she's terrified of blood tests and flatly refuses to get one. She weaned herself off an antidepressant in college, so she
can quit things when she wants to, but she's married to two people: me and vodka, and I can't compete with vodka.