Just by posting this issue it shows that there is some part of you that truly does want sobriety- even if your disease seems to be screaming louder than that truth inside of you right now. You know how to make a start- you have done it before.
I totally identify with the cravings not subsiding well into sobriety. I have over 16 months of sobriety and I still suffer from physical cravings at times. Full on, gut wrenching, throat burning, every cell in my body screaming for a drink type of cravings. The last time I had a "spell" was last Sunday.
I work the program to the best of my ability. I go to meetings daily, I read throughout my day everyday. I have a sponsor with a sponsor and I am working with two women to help guide them through the steps. I have commitments and I pray. A lot.
At times I can really beat myself up about the cravings. That alcoholic voice in my head can start screaming that I must be doing something wrong - that I must not be working hard enough- that I don't "want" it enough.
Everytime I start to feel that way, I go to the big book and read Dr Bob's Nightmare. He suffered from physical cravings well into his sobriety too and he was a founder of this great program!!
My point is, you are not alone in this. There is a way out.
And it does get better. It truly does.