Hello,
I have been a long time lurker and one time poster (a couple years back) on SR. I find the posts here really inspiring so I figured I would reach out and say hello.
In a nutshell drinking has become more of a habit than anything else for me and I'm bored and sick and tired of my habit. I don't get terrible hangovers and when I take breaks I don't get withdrawels but what I have grown to hate about my situation is that I am constantly thinking about how much wine I have and if it's enough for the evening. It's so exhausting! These are the couple of things I am frustrated by in particular:
1. Planning to shop at different stores because I don't want the same clerks to see me over and over. Even if the different stores mean spending more $ or wasting gas getting there.
2. Stopping with my kids at "the store" and seeing their faces like "really, again mom?".
3. Bringing wine into the house - I always feel like the neighbors are watching my every move. This is obviously my insecurity knowing what I should not be doing.
4. Trash day - I recycle and I am paranoid that my recycle bin will tip over and that my neighbors will see multiple bottles…this happened once and I was mortified but it didn't stop me.
p.s. I am making my neighbors sound awful but they are some of the nicest neighbors anyone could have.
As you can see a waste of time, waste of money, etc. Waste, waste, waste.
I actually have spent a LOT of time reading and thinking and reading and thinking and I have made significant changes in my life over the last year. But, it's not enough.
I have not hit any type of bottom, I didn't have any big wake up call, I am just tired of putting so much effort into having a drink. It's just too much work.
I have been trying to find other things to occupy my time. I started a new book, I walk, I am going to bed earlier, and hopefully I will keep posting here. I think it will help a lot. Oh, and this is day 2! Yay!
Thanks for listening. Have a good night!
J