So I go again ... it's day 1 ... I smoked last in the morning, then started freaking out and called some friends to try and get some. I didn't succeed in finding (better that way) so here we go again ...
I feel really tired, can't eat, have no appetite and honestly I don't feel really sure about the whole thing in terms that I'm afraid and not sure if I'll feel better, but I definitely should stop at least for some time, because it's just dragging me down big time - spending lot's of money I don't have, not being able to work - I just have no motivation even though I'm broken big time ...
I'm afraid of losing weight, being depressed, panic attacks and etc ... but in the same I want to have a break from smoking - I want to see how my life will be if I don't smoke for at least some period (say 1 year omg that's a lot).
On the other hand I'm afraid of missing out on parties and etc, but also I don't want to be always thinking on how to get, if there will be any and etc.
I'm not sure how to proceed with booze as well - I don't drink a lot, but lately I've started drinking some more beers and sometimes hard stuff as well, but not as often.
I'm not sure if I want to cut off alcohol completely as well, I want to be able to get a little bit wasted but I don't want it to interfere with my non smoking and that's really possible, because last time when I stopped smoking it seemed that If I'm drunk I'm more likely to relapse, but maybe I just need better self control.
So again I'm rumbling and stuff but just so much going on in my head.
Interesting how when you still smoke and think of stopping, especially if you just have smoked, it seems so easy and you're thrilled and everything and you just can't wait to jump in, but when you actually do and the high wear off you're like - omg noooo.
I still fantasize (even though I haven't stopped really yet) about recreational use in the future, but I've doubts if that's even possible.
But anyways I need to stop for at least some time so that I can get my life in order, because right now it's a little bit of mess ...
And then we'll see how it goes, so baby steps one day at the time ...
I'm really concerned about the weight and eating thing, I even bought some "Zofran" (read in internet that helps with vomiting and nausea) but not sure if I should use it or not.
Any ideas, suggestions, motivational words and etc will be greatly appreciated!
I'm afraid of all the thoughts, feelings, dreams and other stuff that will come knocking on my door now that I've stopped.
Thank you really for being here, even if I don't post, I check in here reguraly reading others posts and etc. I find great source of knowledge, motivation, courage and help here on SR.
Thank God I found you and may God be with us all on our journey.
I thought it would be a short post, but it's not and there's sooo much on my head that I want to share ...
Wish me luck!!! Thank you and good luck!!!
