sorry - i just saw the replies to this. thank you, all of you. it is difficult to explain the strength i get from your replies too. How we all must know, the loneliness, and that godawful throb of anxiety, all the time.
mostly, there are times during the day, where I remember how terrible it was, and like Joie says, remind myself I don't EVER want to go through it again. and so, the forum is where i come to, late at night, when I start getting fidgety and sad. and somehow get some peace from knowing i will never let myself be in that situation again.
x